Stuck in a Rut

Everything I do feels bad

Recently, a few events occurred that shook me a bit: one in my personal life and another in my professional life. These two situations just so happened to occur in very close proximity to one another; then a pretty big change in my routine followed, which has resulted in what I am calling the rut. I don't feel motivated while working, I don't feel like cooking or eating much, and I don't have any interest in engaging in any activities. I think about grocery shopping, doing my MBA work, disc golfing, going to the gym, and I feel an incredibly strong internal force pulling me away from them. It almost feels like my internal magnet flipped polarity, and now the things that used to engage me are repelling me. The only activities I'm finding myself interested in are playing games and consuming content, which results in me not getting things done, then feeling worse about not getting things done, and the loop continues by amplifying that magnetic force I'm feeling.

We need to break the loop

The loop is not going to magically fix itself, and the consequences of my inaction are not going to wash away. Whether it's the success of a project at work, my grades in school, or even the health of my social life, sitting at home consuming entertainment to feel better is going to result in the important stuff falling behind and make matters worse. I've found that everything feels so monumental until you organize it. Having 10 things in your mind that you constantly think about feels like 100, but then you write it down and think, "Oh, I can do all of this today." Even though I've already missed out on things and have acted below my expectations of myself, that doesn't mean I need to let those events do more damage. Instead, I recognize that I messed up and this is what happened, but it's in the past. If there's something I can do to help fix the problem, I should, and if not, there's no point in harping on it any longer. It takes an action of "productivity" to start to get things moving in the right direction, and to turn that spiral of despair into a cycle of performance.

Identify your situation

As I said earlier, listing everything out gives you a real idea of what has to happen. I'm going to actually list out things I have to do, and I will organize them after I get all my thoughts down.

• Take care of the cats (feed, play, waste, grooming)
• MBA work (2 classes, 2 major milestones this week + 1 assignment from last week)
• Align with 2 stakeholders at work (One of them is a direct driver of one of those "events", but I need to clear things up, so a conversation has to happen)
• Laundry
• Dishes
• Clean the floors
• Clean the bathroom
• Groceries (and make the list)
• Fix the slow drain
• Tidy the condo
• Buy flowers for Kaitlyn for when she gets home (Sorry for ruining the surprise, but I want to be thorough. Love you)
• Cook
• Clean my car
• Exercise

This list can easily be grouped into maintenance tasks, food and groceries, and then school and work. Cats, laundry, dishes, cleaning, and the drain issue can all happen today, and it'll take no more than 2-3 hours. Food and groceries are the same situation; going to the store and cooking can also happen today. School is due Sunday evening, and work can wait until Monday, so the only item left on that list is exercise. I already have plans to go lift with friends tonight, so that covers that issue for me. And just like that, all of those things that were on my mind are written out, and it's really not even a big deal at all.

Take action

This is the hard part. At some point, you have to actually start doing something. I woke up this morning feeling extremely conflicted, but just by writing this post, I find myself feeling energized. I want to go to the store and get going on this list; it feels kind of like a game. I get to go out, listen to music, and slowly melt the worries off my mind. When I come back and finish cleaning and cooking, I'll be in the mood to relax. Starting up my MBA would be the most productive thing to do with regard to getting items off the list, but I know it's important not to overdo it. Tomorrow is dedicated to my MBA, so tonight I won't worry about it, and there's no reason to. I'm fortunate that I have a medium like this website to write on, but I've used other strategies in the past, like meditating, writing a list on an index card, writing notes on my phone, or even just doing a full-body stretching routine. Unplug, turn off the phone, turn off the computer, exist in the world for a minute, clear your thoughts, make a plan, then take action. You have to do something, and once you do, you'll find it's easy to keep going. On that note, the grocery store just opened, so I'm gonna get started on my list. Good luck, and thank you for reading :)